Q&A: How can I be Less Judgmental?

Q: Dear Soul Analyse,

I’m really struggling to not judge my friend’s behaviour. I believe she is acting in a way that is wrong and I feel my morals are continually being tested simply because I am friends with her.

How can I be less judgmental and just accept her for who she is without feeling like her behaviour reflects badly on me?

A: Dear Reader,

It is perfectly reasonable to distance yourself from your friend, if that’s what you believe is best but if you still want her in your life, and you want a healthy relationship, you must stop being judgmental.

Each time you judge your friend, you are creating a division between you and her, which further emphasizes the differences between you both. This sense of separation will make it hard for you to relate to one another, and won’t go away until you learn to accept your friend’s behaviour, or you decide to end the friendship – (there’s no right or wrong way, it’s a decision you must make.)

We can’t control what others think and feel, or how they behave, and we certainly can’t control their choices. By judging other people, we are attempting to gain some level of control over something that is out of our hands, which creates conflict within and disrupts our inner peace. When we accept a person as they are, we release the desire to change them.

The Serenity Prayer always springs to mind when I feel powerless over anything, perhaps it might help you too.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

You might like to read, ‘How can I stop Getting Affected by Other People’s Words?’ which explains how we have a role to play in the way that people make us feel.

If any other readers would like to ask a question click here for details.