It can feel like your whole world has been tipped upside down. But rest assured, you haven’t lost yourself – you are about to get to know yourself better than ever.
I was Ghosted
I was at an all-time low in my life after going through a bad breakup. The guy I was dating disappeared from my life without letting me know why. One day we were happy together and the next he was nowhere to be found. After the breakup, I felt lifeless. I didn’t want to go out with friends or do much more than eat, sleep, go to work, and do it all over again the next day.
After my boyfriend left me without an explanation, my entire world crumbled. I spent my days and all my free time trying to figure out what caused him to leave. At one point I thought it was my fault and even blamed myself for his absence. I thought, maybe I did something wrong that made him want to leave or there’s got to be something wrong with me. All the self-deprecating thoughts weren’t making me feel any good either.
Deep down I knew I wanted to put a stop to the thoughts that were daunting me and move on with my life but something inside made it very difficult. There was this inner voice deep within telling me I was not good enough and rationalizing why my boyfriend left. The voice made it a point to constantly remind me how I would never find love because men don’t like women like me. I felt discouraged with myself. The fact my boyfriend abandoned me only helped to reinforce the words of my self-critic. I began to believe that voice must be right after all. It’s true, why would anyone ever like me if I’m not good enough, I thought.
The turning point came when I saw my ex enjoying his life with another woman. There he was smiling with his new love, and here I was at the same place where he left me. Only this time worse because I was heading down a slippery slope toward a life of misery.
All the time I had been caught up with trying to figure out why he left and questioning whether I was good enough, left me zero time to think about myself and my needs.
The next day, I made a point to dedicate some time to write my feelings down on paper. I knew that if I wanted to move on with my life, just like he had done with his, I needed to confront my deep and darkest feelings.
I realized that after his departure, I never had time to process what I was feeling because I was busy trying to piece together why he left. Also, the fact that he disappeared from my life without an explanation didn’t make it any easier in helping me get closure.
I sometimes fantasized about seeing him again and telling him all the things he made me feel and how hard it was for me to cope after his absence. But, I knew that wasn’t going to happen so I wrote him a letter instead.
In the letter, I poured my heart out. There were so many things I wanted to tell him that I never had the opportunity to say. Like how it hurt so bad that he would leave me without saying anything. How I wish he would have told me things between us were not working out. I would have understood and carried on my way. It would have also avoided all the sorrow and self-doubt I was now having to face.
Since I didn’t have proper closure, I created my own closure by expressing my feelings on paper. After I was done writing the letter, I took pleasure in burning it as a symbol of closing the unhappy chapter I was in. It was me once and for all standing up for myself and deciding to move on with my life.
Finding Me Again
The heartache and feeling sorry for myself had gone on for far too long and I was ready to put a stop to it. After the heartbreak, I felt like I lost a piece of myself and all I wanted now was to reconnect with my happy self again.
When I made peace with my past and decided to move on with my life, my day-to-day changed; my time was no longer wasted on trying to figure out why my ex left or feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I dedicated my time to reconnecting with old friends, going out, and surrounding myself with people that love me for who I am.
It was slow progress but I was convinced it was better to focus my time and energy surrounded, and stimulated by, the ones I loved rather than spend my time wasted on thinking about why he left. My mood and zest for live improved and I now wanted to go out again and experience all that life had to offer.
I can tell you from personal experience that recovering from heartbreak is an inside job. You need to fully heal the wound before you can move on with life. Healing can be done through a cathartic expression of feelings on paper like I did or it can be done by going to the beach and listening to the waves. You have to identify what helps you release the sadness, hurt, and grief you are bottling up inside.
If you are experiencing heartbreak and feel it is time to move on with your life, ask yourself this one question: What makes me happy?
When you identify the answer, honor yourself and do more of it. Doing more of what makes you happy helps you be in the moment and reconnect with yourself.
Time is too precious to be wasting it on what could have or should have been. Instead, use the time to nurture yourself and make your soul happy. Give yourself everything you need, which includes permission to smile, laugh, love and be happy again. It is within your power to turn your life around.
Find out how you can Grow Through Hard Times.