Q: Dear Soul Analyse,
I often find myself feeling upset by other people’s words and it has come to a point where I fly off the handle if a family member or work colleague says anything that I feel is out of line. Either that, or I end up feeling deeply hurt. I want to learn how to stop letting things get to me so easy. Can you help?
Yours truly, Sandra
A: Dear Sandra,
First of all, well done for noticing that you do indeed have a part to play in the way people make you feel.
It is good if you can recognise that you are the only one who has control over how you feel and no matter what anyone else says, it is your choice how you absorb their words. The positive point you can take from this is that it is totally within your power to change things, you just need to realise that being offended is a choice.
It’s likely that you will be presented with multiple opportunities to feel offended each day but if you take offence every time someone says something that you don’t agree with, it will never end. People have different perceptions of what causes offence, so they might not even be aware that they are offending you. The best way to tackle it? Choose not to take offence at all because in doing so, you are only creating negative emotion for yourself, Sandra. Offence often results in overreactions, conflict and feelings of hurt, all of which can be avoided quite easily.
Now, you might be thinking “but they said something way out of line, how can I let that go?” But if you accept it, without even having an opinion on it, it cannot impact you. If you have a carefree attitude when it comes to other people’s judgement and opinions, it is impossible to be offended.
You can also take other steps to ensuring a balanced state of mind; surround yourself with people who have a positive impact on your life and take time out to meditate or read a book on self-development, as this will allow you to connect with your true self.
Sandra, it’s also worth remembering that everyone is different and we only have control over ourselves. While things may be said from time-to-time that take you by surprise, it is always your choice how to react. Our view? Let people be whoever they want to be and don’t try to change anyone because you certainly won’t succeed.
We hope we’ve helped clear that up for you, Sandra and would love to know if you take our suggestions on-board, and what result you get.
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