It’s great practice to show kindness and go out of your way to help others – and we fully promote this but there’s a fine line between being kind, and not caring for yourself because you find it difficult to say no.
If you are constantly saying yes and it’s having a negative impact on your life, this article will empower you to learn how to say no and become someone who is completely comfortable with standing their ground, without feeling guilt in return.
When is no Needed?
So, let’s start by exploring times when saying no is needed. Simply speaking, it’s always appropriate to decline, if saying yes doesn’t feel right for you at that given moment. It’s also important that you say no if you’re being asked to do something that depletes your energy.
People who always say yes, often experience high levels of stress, anger and resentment – all unwanted emotions that could have been avoided with a simple ‘no’. While saying no might seem a little odd at first – and as though you are being selfish or unkind – those negative thoughts can be quickly diminished when you remember why you are saying no.
You may feel that people will like you more if you always accept requests and never say no but, let’s be honest, they can see that you’re not valuing yourself.
People pleasing is damaging to relationships – one person gains and the other feels they’ve been taken advantage of. It creates a vicious cycle where the giver feels resentful to those asking, and angry with themselves for not saying no.
When you value your own opinion, your own time and your own feelings – you’ll find it easier to say no because, ultimately, you’ll appreciate yourself.
Where are Your Boundaries?
It’s healthy to have boundaries and only do things that are right for you, without agonising over someone’s feelings in the matter. Having no boundaries can be significantly damaging to your well-being; without them you’ll willingly participate in things that make you unhappy. An example, is someone who goes over an beyond for others, while receiving little in return.
You can set boundaries by always aiming to be honest – if someone has asked for a favour and you’re not up to the job, tell them, and say the real reason why. Your honesty will be respected and your self-worth will increase.
Setting boundaries also means looking after yourself before you help others. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, we highly recommend helping people but, first of all, it’s essential that you are able to do so.
Don’t Feel Guilty
You have done nothing wrong by saying no – you’re just looking after yourself and anyone who doesn’t appreciate that probably lacks boundaries themselves. Never feel guilty when you decline participating in something that isn’t right for you.
Stick to your beliefs and don’t say yes just to mirror someone else’s view. You’re an individual and your opinion counts just as much as the next person, besides what’s more attractive than someone who knows exactly who they are?
Remember, you always have a choice and if you make the right choice for you, there can only be a positive outcome.